"I really don’t like to complain about the stress of being a parent. I am a “the glass is half full” kind of gal to begin with, and I also recognize how fortunate I am to have children. And I feel a bit Scrooge-like for making birthday parties the subject of my rant. However, (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?), last weekend was my twins’ birthday, and I find planning their party even more challenging than my other two kids’. Basically, I feel like it is my duty to try to make up for the fact that Wyatt and Theo were born on the same day. Here’s why I think they get ripped off:
- They have to share their special day. Yes, sharing is a lesson all kids need to learn, but not getting your very own day once a year seems unfair.
- They have to watch someone else get presents, too. When you are opening gifts beside someone the same age as you, it’s hard not to like what you see. I spend a lot of time picking presents for each kid based on their individual likes and interests, but at least one of them — if not both — end want something the other one receives. To combat this, we could give them each the same thing, but this defeats the whole “they are two different people” theme I am committed to.
- There is nothing left to give them. Their birthday is January 11th. Perhaps other parents of January babies can relate: I am a bit overwhelmed by the gluttony of the holidays, and quite frankly have to try very hard to muster up the wherewithal to shop for more presents.
- There’s too much cake. We always have two cakes, not just because one likes chocolate and the other likes vanilla but because, again, it’s important to recognize they are individuals. We sing "Happy Birthday" (in English and French) to each kid. That means singing it four times. (It’s a surprisingly long song!) A few days later, I end up throwing out a shocking amount of stale cake. I really hate to waste food and money. (Yes, I know, cupcakes would be more economical, however, they just don’t feel the same.)
I would love to hear from anyone who can relate. Do you have twins? Do you have a child born in January? (Or between December 26th and 31st? I can’t image how hard that must be, too!) Did you give birth on your birthday? Do you have any suggestions? Let me know. I have a year to plan for their 8th birthday party. I know I can do better."
I decided that I needed to reply.. I understand her plight about keeping them individual, I hate it when people call them "The twins"...I never dress them the same and I don't expect them to be the same person or like the same things... But, they are twins. They are boys. Most 7 year old boys have similar interests. So I wrote a response.
"My twin boys birthdays are on December 3rd. They just turned 7. I also have 2 girls who are in May one week apart from each other... When I was growing up there were 6 of us kids, too many to have birthday parties all the time... So I have taken up the tradition of my Mother that we only have birthday parties on certain years (3,6,8,12,16). We always celebrate birthdays with dinner and cake (only one cake thank you very much. I try to accommodate their likes and dislikes but usually I make an ice cream cake and who doesn't like ice cream cake!) and then on their non party years we go swimming or skating or whatever the kid/s want to do. We very often invite some friends along. On birthday years I tell them they can have as many friends as their age so when they were six they had six friends... etc. and it was easy because my twins had the same friends... I mostly have their party years at home and it works out fine for us. They pick the theme and I do the rest. My boys so far have enjoyed being special, they get to share their birthday with each other! As they get older they might not want to do the same things, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I know it would be a lot harder if they were not both boys but so far they enjoy the same things, even being individual, but what I have seen at school all the boys seem to like the same thing so it is not just because they are twins. So don't feel guilty about sometimes having them wanting the same thing or getting the same thing, just let them be themselves, even if sometimes they want to be the alike."
